Author: MASadmin

Well, one side of it.

It’s always a good thing when one of your great uncles, who is in ill health and has been struggling for years, can stop smiling at your fiancee and says that she’s very pretty. I never really requested or demanded my family’s support with my choice in fiancee but it’s very good thing to receive.

So, yeah, my fiancee and I took a weekend trip to Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love and the city where my mom was raised. Most of my mother’s family still lives (or is buried) in that area. Norristown, Fort Washington and Upper Dublin is where her clan thrives. We were fed cheese steaks, pasta, zepplins and home made deliciousness. We met my uncle’s new dog, saw my cousin play in her last game of the JV softball season, and I discovered that my fiancee is extremely good at Gin Rummy. It was a perfect little trip.

I’ve never really sought approval from my family when it came to my fiancee. I didn’t go out looking for a girl who my family would fall in love with. Instead, I went looking for the girl who’d be right for me and if my family loved her too, great. If not, well, that would be their loss. Does that make me stubborn and pompous sometimes? Of course – there is a monster in a tux on this page after all. But I don’t like having external, and what I view as unnecessary, pressures when it comes to my personal life. And having high strung parents, when it comes to my fiancee and my wedding day, would just be something I wouldn’t put up with. But it is very nice when my family does like my fiancee and they really do. They couldn’t stop mentioning how pretty she was, how nice she was, and how outgoing she was. They would compare her to my sister-in-law in admiringly ways. And she won them over by being herself, didn’t need to pretend to be kind or considerate or anything like that. She spoke her mind, was kind as she always is, and I saw how well she fits into my extended family. That was nice to see.

My great uncle Tony, at a Mother’s Day brunch that my uncle, aunt, cousins, and mom were at, after saying that my fiancee was pretty, then wondered who were left to get married. My cousins are 15 and 13 and we all looked at them. My fiancee mentioned her younger cousins who are available. For a minute there, my uncle Mike took my fiancee seriously. I could see the look of horror about BOYS appear on his face for a minute. But then my fiancee mentioned they were in Florida and the look on his face mellowed. If I end up with daughters, at least I know that look, that specific look, runs in the family.

These have been sitting in my RSS reader for a week now and I still haven’t commented about it so I might as well just link it. I need to write up a post about my weekend in Philadelphia with my family where my fiancee met a large chunk of my extended family for the first time. I’ll do that after I go to the gym.

Luna Photography

I agree 100% with Manolo for the Brides that Luna Photography of San Diego takes beautiful pictures. It is photographers like this that inspire me to continue to practice and try to get better at my craft. It’s a little too artsy for my fiancee’s taste but just perfect in my opinion.

Design Whimsy

My fiancee found Design Whimsy on Esty. I blogged about it. She blogged about it. Now everyone keeps blogging about them. They have a backlog throughout the summer. Argh. I hope it doesn’t get too late for my fiancee to place her order for our wedding. People need to stop liking the same high quality things I like until after I am finished with them!

She already has her dress. She has her veil. She already knows where she’s getting her bouquet from and when she’s going to order it. She’s got her something old too. Oh. And she picked out the head piece for our reception. Then, yesterday, to my shame, she had her shoes delivered to her house. She is on a roll people.

I got nothing.

Okay, that’s not true. I have my shoes, my cufflinks, and I’ve got my little piece of metal to put in my shirt collar (which my fiancee got me for my birthday – they’re engraved with our wedding date). But that’s it. I was planning on picking up a suit by getting one custom made by the folks at Barney’s. Since I’m small and thin and in pretty good shape, no mass produced suit will fit me at all. Even small European cut suits are too big. Plus, at close to 1000 a pop (which is a great price), and my recent month long furlough from my job, the idea of buying a custom suit right now is really not a high priority right now. In fact, I don’t think I really can afford it.

Which means I’m going to have to rent a tux. But what kind? And from where? And what style? I’ve mentioned in some earlier posts what I’m going to aim for, something less traditional but formal, no vest or cumber bum or anything too frou frou. It has to look good with a skinny ivory tie and have a spot for a pocket square. And it needs to be a modern fit which means tapering down the sides, a nice tight and snug fit across the stomach and side and not be so high waisted that I look like a smaller version of urkel when I take off my jacket. Oh Lord, I have a lot of requirements. I really should get the ball started on that.

And I know I need to work on this. But all I really want to do is look at pictures of candy buffets and dream about buying a marco lens so I can do that. Alas. Maybe if I win the lotto.

I don’t buy this list of five current feminist bridezilla trends. And why? Because they’re kinda lame.

I understand the name change issue and I support it. If you don’t want to change your name, that’s fine. If your husband doesn’t want to change his name, that’s fine too. If your some how believe that making up a new name in any way is different than changing your last name to match your future spouses, you’re probably diluting yourself, but I support it anyways. I can buy the name change as a feminist trend.

However, I completely disagree that taking the pictures BEFORE the ceremony as a feminist trend. Is this the trend to combat the “don’t reveal your dress before the big day” thing? Is that really a part of the patriarchy that demands fighting against? Or is this really just an attempt at embracing good time management skills? The thing about weddings is that they are a cultural institution that changes. Couples getting their wedding pictures taken before the ceremony are doing that so they can free up time at the reception. And why do they need that time? So they can participate in having signature drinks available to their guests, a 12 course meal, dancing till dawn, and then a special midnight snack for their after party. So it’s almost a trick for brides to spend more money on the reception. Hmmmm.

And that brings me to Mangagement rings. I know a guy who’s worn one. For some brides, it’s very important that they propose, that they own the process, and that they aren’t surprised. And, hopefully, when they find the right guy to marry, he’ll be accepting of her needs and either won’t care about proposing or won’t mind not being the one to do the asking. Encouraging women to not be afraid to say “I want to get married” is a good thing. But there’s something about mangagement rings that bothers me. I use to think I’d wear one and I probably would have if it came to that. Who wouldn’t want to wear a fabulous piece of man jewelry? I guess I’m wondering if this is a one way trap. If the men get rings but the women don’t, that seems less about equality and more about trying to mix struggles against the patriarchy within your own engagement (and this concept of equality and what that means is something that I, as a person who advocates equal treatment to mexicans and latinos and other racial minorities, is something I struggle with defining and relating to people who don’t necessarily agree with me all the time). But if it’s merely a two way street, where the woman gets the ring, the guy gets the ring, and both are labeled as “taken” and, if you’re in New York State, both rings become legal contracts to say that you’re going to marry each other – which all engagement rings technically are here – then I think it’s a fantastic idea. It’s an extension of the New York Manhattan Bride trend of giving your guy an engagement gift like, say, a really expensive watch. Or, what I want, a really big plasma screen tv. Though that might be a pain in the ass to carry around in my hand all day long.