Author: MASadmin

Sometimes, I can be pretty stupid. Knowing me, how could I not think about including buttons in my wedding until I saw this post???

First off, I love the photographs. I want to be able to take pictures like that. In fact, I want my wedding pictures to be like that. But I’m realistic and my budget can’t afford a photographer who is able to do that. Actually, I would probably steal the photographer’s camera when he wasn’t look and try to take pictures like that. And I’m not allowed to take pictures while I’m standing at the altar. I was told this by not only my fiancee but my brother and a few friends. They know me too well.

Secondly, if you’ve followed what I’ve written recently, you will realize that I find a lot of what that groom wore/did as pretty cheesy. “Here Comes Your Man”, Chucks, the rip off of CGBG on the buttons – yeah, I rolled my eyes when I first saw it. To me, it’s incredibly over done but this is the circle that I run in. All those things are popular in my social sphere so there is nothing “unbride” or different about it. In fact, it’s all mundane. In fact, the John Valtross Chuck Taylors and Tux is fairly anti what CBGB and punk is about. But I gotta say that the cut and fit of that tux is perfect. The skinny tie is fantastic. And he’s actually one of the few guys allowed to wear Chucks. Why? Because of the facial hair. He at least LIVES that part. That’s what makes it work for me.

But besides all that, it’s the button instead of a boutonniere that makes it for me. Why? Well, it’s pretty obvious really.

You see. I have a hat. It has buttons on it. Lots of buttons.

I don’t wear it much anymore. I moved on to a regular gray newscap (or a black mohawk when it’s cold out) but, for a long time, that red cap with buttons was one of my clothing signatures. It has spikes going down the center because, well, I’m balding and I can’t grow a mohawk so I try to make up for it anyway I can. All the buttons on there are either trendy internet cartoons, punk bands, or things my fiancee gave me. I would lose a button, replace it, and add stuff onto it. People liked it, some people said it reminded them of their grandma, but it was awesome. In fact, I wish I was wearing it right now.

So, of course, when I saw the buttons at the above wedding, I instantly wanted to make my own. I haven’t priced them yet, I have no idea what they’ll look like (I’d love to make it a cartoon version of our cake topper but that might be unrealistic) and I haven’t even seriously talked about it with my fiancee yet but BUTTONS. That is a good idea. I have to file this in the maybe pile.

Blog Tide released their top 100 wedding blogs and I’m not on it. Bah. That list knows nothing.

Actually, I’m not surprised. I don’t advertise, I don’t comment much on other sites, and my trackbacks have been banned from a few sites (seems that criticism amongst brides is considered a no). A lot of the sites on that list are DIY oriented blogs which means….something. I’m not sure. In fact, I wonder a lot about what a DIY wedding means. Sure, it stands for Do It Yourself, but the current movement stems from the late punk movement that gradually spread amongst the gen xers, into the bourgeoisie upper middle class culture, and is now THE thing to do. It’s always masked as a way to bring your personality and “uniqueness” to a wedding. And by not going through a vendor, you’re “doing your own thing”, fighting your own faux rebellion against the wedding industry, and being special. I’m kinda of tired with this idea of “special”.

Maybe I have a strange perspective on DIY being an old punk and mexican but why is this DIY movement and weddings pretty much restricted to one social and ethnic class? And why is it really not any form of rebellion? Making your own dollies, having a friend perform your ceremony, and using fake flowers instead of real ones isn’t rebellion. And I don’t think of it as inducing your personality and uniqueness into a wedding either. Unless you’re going to Vegas and entering a cookie cutter wedding machine, there is no such thing as a cookie cutter wedding. They all have the same structure, they might have the same big pieces and layout, but there is always something that is different or the puzzle pieces are put into a different order to make it, when analyzed at the detail level, different from others. And if you look at the big picture, a wedding, no matter how it looks or its reception, all looks just like every other one. So why is DIY a movement and why is it claimed that the only way to make your wedding “personal” is by arts and crafts? Isn’t that defining weddings to fit a mold which is what the DIY wedding movement is trying to “fight against” anyways?

It’s weird but maybe it has to do with how weddings are pushed on young women from an early age. As a guy, I don’t suffer that very much growing up. Sure, I get misguided into believing the White Knight Syndrome (or lazy bum and slob syndrome) but, all in all, I have it easy in certain ways. All I’m suppose to do is define my self worth through how much money I make and what job I do which isn’t that hard. I’m not suppose to plan my wedding out to the very details. At least, not until the big day itself. So I could see DIY as being a slight rebellion against prevailing social pressures but for the child who dreamed up her wedding as a little girl and now, older and wiser, is spending her time making napkin holders out making her different than when she was 5 years old? Maybe it just feels different. And maybe that’s good enough.

Feeling different and being different are two separate things. The first is something that anyone can do and most people seem to strive for. They chase after the second thing – the actual being different. The problem is that actually being different is not defined by the individual. It is defined by those around you and by the society you live in. DIY weddings strike me as those who are striving to feel different when, in reality, they’re not. They’re pushing the social boundaries that they believe enclose them even though those social pressures might not be real but might merely be a projection of what they themselves participate in their everyday lives. The actually being different is a different animal and isn’t necessarily as positive as the DIY wedding brides seem to think it is. Not hiring a DJ doesn’t make you part of column b. Not spending $20,000 dollars on your wedding (even though the average wedding numbers are mostly screwed up anyways since they come from a small sample set of brides based in the upper middle class of NYC) does not make you different. And striving for this idea of “personal” and “unique” in your wedding makes you just like everyone one else. But you know what does make your wedding different? Not wearing a strapless dress. I am never going to stop saying that.

Registries are for ridiculousness.

Okay, I know that’s not true but that’s how I feel about them in some way. K and I have already started working on our registry (since, when we first told people we were engaged, several “congrats!” messages back asked to see our registry). I’ve written before how we’ve disagreed what to put on our registry, how expensive the items should be, what should we not put on, etc. And, as of this moment, our registry is pretty small and I think complete. When you’ve lived on your own for awhile, and you live in New York City where your future “home” together is going to be a small closet, there gets a point when the registry becomes less about “essentials” and more about “spur of the moment ideas”. Like this one: I need a deep fryer.

My roommate actually gave me the idea. She was home, thinking about dinner, and lamenting her need to deep fried things. It peeked my interest. She asked how much they went for and I had no idea. A quick check of Amazon found some in the 50-75 dollar range which would fit perfectly in a small apartment. I instantly had ideas of living in a room covered in french fries. Twinkie would be barking (and munching) under the pile, her cries muffled by the deliciousness. Chula would be sleeping on top of it. I would have both of my hands holding cups of mayo and ketchup and I would be using my mouth to eat everything. It would be fantastic. I sent a quick IM to my fiancee asking her if I can put it on the registry. She said no. My dreams of a french fry castle vanished and I think I made a frowny face in response.

But, of course, my fiancee is right and I’m wrong. Why? Because I would never use it, I would burn myself if I did use it, and I probably would develop an unhealthy obsession with deep frying everything in my apartment. And a deep fryer is just another in a long list of items that I stumble upon in passing and then want to put on the registry (a kindle! we both read a lot! it would be great!). Registries aren’t an extension of my amazon.com wish list (as much as I’d like them to be). They’re suppose to be for items to build, and maintain, a household for a long long time. That means no cheap dishes, no crappy pans, and no extravagant kitchen appliances that you’ll never use. Except that toaster that looks like a tank, costs more than my camera, and could toast a wild buffalo in 30 seconds while singing showtunes. I NEED THAT.

My fiancee was perusing the Wedding Plans Livejournal community when she found this lovely wedding in South Africa. I loved the photographs, the overall vibe they gave to the outdoor wedding, but I particularly loved the cake setup.

That is exactly the layout I’d like. A small cake on top, white frosting, simple (but minus the ribbon). And I’d like it to sit up on top of a collection of desserts. And instead of flowers on the top, I’d want a cake topper. I haven’t figured out which one yet but I’d like it to be awesome.

But besides the cake, the overall feel of that wedding is fantastic. The bride looks lovely (and is wearing a dress with straps!). The couple looks like they go together. I really like the one button suit the groom wore. And I think the bridesmaid dresses work. All in all, an extremely well put together wedding. I hope, when people look back at my wedding, that’s what they’ll say about mine.

Do you know how much a bride’s bouquet costs? $150 dollars.

That’s right. A florist charges you $150 dollars to create a little creation that you carry with you down the aisle, gets photographed to death, and then is manhandled when you toss it into a huge throng of women who then rip it to shreds trying to catch it. The life of a bride’s bouquet is short, not sweet, and incredibly violent. If I was that bouquet, I’d feel pretty sleezy and used.

Bridemaid’s bouquets can cost near $100 each and don’t suffer as nearly as a bad fate but they are only used for a few hours. After that, they’re either tossed into the trash or “dried”. What’s dried? Well, young women try to dry the flowers out, hang them upside down, but what usually happens is that they’re not very secure, they attract pests, and the gradually wilt, fall to the flower, and end up in the trash bin. Now, yes, if they’re done well, they are very pretty and they will be shown in pictures with your lovely dress but bouquets don’t last and they can also be limiting if you decide that your wedding shouldn’t be entirely wiltable. Plus, if you’re poor, spending a huge amount of money on flowers is probably the first thing you’re gonna cut from your budget. And when you at up the boutonnieres for the groom and his army, flowers start to get expensive.

But luckily you can spend less money, get some toys that even more elaborate and decadent that a florist could provide, and these suckers would actually last. I give you faux flower bouquets by Design Whimsy.

Bridal Bouquet- Vintage Inspired $87.50

Wedding Boutonniere $15

Small and Quaint Bridesmaid bouquet $35.00

Wedding Day brooches $35.00

My fiancee loves this stuff. It’ll fit in great with the overall feel of our church, her dress, and is a much more flexible and tangible way to carry flowers down the aisle. Plus, it’s cheaper than anything you could get from a florist in NYC for anything of similar shape, size, style, weight, etc. The closer it gets to the wedding, the more likely it is that we’ll place a custom order (and most of this stuff is custom made) for something similar to the items above. It’s awesome stuff.