Author: MASadmin

Do you know that the 1941 edition of the worship book that the Lutheran Church used doesn’t have the marriage ceremony in it? It also doesn’t have an index or table of contents. I wonder if those two things are related.

My fiancee and I are in a weird spot with our upcoming wedding. We’re at the point where there isn’t a whole lot to do right now. I’m working on the website (which is slow going because there are some changes to the RSVP interface that I need to make). We ordered some postcards to stick in programs. We have 298 days or so till the big day so invitations don’t need to be ordered yet. And I pretty much figured out what I’m going to wear at the wedding (which I should make a post about). Oh. And we’ve started our pre-martial counseling with our church (I should make a post about that too). But, besides that, there isn’t much going on that needs our immediate attention. When you’re not too focused or worried about what type of bottle you need to serve some fancy ice tea, you don’t have a whole heck of a lot to do.

So, at church on Sunday, I flipped open one of the worship books in the pews. It was from 1941 which is 3 editions old at this point. I looked for a table of contents and there were none. I saw prayers and ceremonies for funerals, births, going on extended travels, etc. I didn’t see anything about getting married. I flipped open the 1978 edition and saw their wedding ceremony. It’s short and simple and leaves space for a few readings, some hymns, and even gives us the option to say our own vows (gross). Too bad I didn’t have a 2006 edition because I would have liked to see what the modern day ceremony was going to look like.

And as I looked at the books, I thought about the ceremony. My fiancee and I haven’t really chatted too much about it. My fiancee was thinking of asking her mom to pick some nice hymns to be sung at our wedding (to get her mom involved with the planning if she wants). That got me thinking. When you are getting married in a church that has a structured ceremony, your options for personalization is limited. Now, I personally think that is a GOOD thing theologically and culturally. Being married in a traditional ceremony carries with it the baggage that you are not only creating something new but also you are apart of something that spans history. And the vows to God, if taken seriously, are an added external reinforcement to what marriage is and should be. I like it. But when it comes to reading and hymns, the two parts of the ceremony that my fiancee and I have some options with, which ones should we pick?

So, now, every Sunday, I listen to what the choir director has chosen and see if it’s appropriate for my wedding day. Both my fiancee’s family and my family come from non-Lutheran religious traditions so I figured that we could sing A Mighty Fortress is Our God. You don’t get more Lutheran than that. But do I really want to sing so much about beating Satan on my wedding day? It’s a great tune and the theology behind it is fantastic but it’s my day, not Satan’s day. Why can’t the hymns be about me? :p

Yeah, I know, that’s a ridiculously bad attitude to have when you’re getting married in a church. I don’t believe like the Catholics that marriage is a sacrament but I do approach marriage with an attitude that matches that level of seriousness. Man is not to be alone as God is not alone in the Holy Trinity. So maybe I, or my fiancee, or her mom, can figure out some hymns focused less on defeating Satan and more on God’s relationship to us, Jesus’s love, and maybe His experience with Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Or maybe we’ll just break out in A Mighty Fortress because I know that would make all our Lutheran pals pretty happy. We’ll see.

I might not be the biggest fan of Wedding Bee but I do tend to enjoy their belief in over sharing in every detail of their wedding. Why? Because when they share their wedding budgets with you, they really share it with you.

When my fiancee and I were thinking about our budget, we had a number that we didn’t want to go over. We wanted everything, including honeymoon, rings, ceremony, and reception, to be under $10K. I have no real idea if that will happen or not (but if I don’t get a job soon, there’s a good chance that will definitely happen) but we’re trying to stick to it. Since we had an idea of the max we wanted to spend, we then tried to partion out how much money goes where and…well…we got stuck. There are formulas, of course, and the one at The Knot is the one we ended up doing but I always wondered if those formulas were realistic or not. With our budgets, they claimed that we could only spend $600 on photography. Please. There is no way to hire a professional wedding photographer in New York CIty who is not a friend or a friend of a friend and only pay $600. That barely covers the cost of a wedding album. So if the formulas got the photography wrong, did they get everything else wrong too? How can I come up with an accurate wedding budget when I’ve never had to plan a wedding before? The only way is to get real data from other brides and that’s where Wedding Bee steps in.

Mary Jane paid $10600 for her wedding – $1k on the actual day, 9k for the rings and the honeymoon.

The Penguins spent $42k – $31k on the day, $11k for the rings and honeymoon.

The Flamingos spent $28K – $25k on the day, $3k on the rings and honeymoon.

Here are some cheaper budgets from Bee brides – $12k and $17k.

The Puffs paid 17k.

And here are some more budgets too.

What’s good about seeing all this data upfront is that it helps you gauge where you can save, what costs a lot, and also shows you that when you’re planning your budget, you really need to focus on what’s important to you and splurge there while cutting back elsewhere. The #1 way to keep costs low, I’ve found, is to keep your guests lists small. Also, get your friends to do photography, cake baking, etc etc. That’s also an effective way to save money. That’s probably #2 tip that I don’t hear about enough – it’s mostly assumed and written in a one sentence throwaway statement. But I don’t thing wedding bloggers or writers really understand how crucial it is to have friends who are willing to help – not everyone has that.

I have decided if I’ll break out my budget for you after my big day or not. I probably will. It’ll hopefully help destroy the myth that you can’t have a fun wedding in New York City for less than a bazillon dollars.